My Sunday Shoot

On Sunday I had the wonderful privilege of photographing Parker and Flannery. April (Flannery's mom) introduced me to Kristi (Parker's mom) via email a while ago. We had been trying to coordinate a time for me to do a shoot with them for almost four months now! So, Sunday was a beautiful day in Charlotte and we met at a well known park for the shoot. Parker really didn't know what to make of all that was going on but I love her thoughtful expressions. Overall I am pleased with how the shoot went! I really had a great time getting to know Kristi and Parker. I found out that Kristi and her husband Jared are both from Michigan... which my mom is from Michigan! These are only four of hundreds I am working on! More to come! :)

With Arms Wide Open

I bet you have the Creed song "With Arms Wide Open" in your head now! :) It wasn't on purpose that I did that. (side note: A lot of phrases remind me of songs...it's weird but I can be in a serious conversation with you and something you say will remind of a song and I will probably start singing it in my head or worst case scenario out loud!) :)
I recently found this photo of me and it has become a great reminder of how I try to live my life daily. There are so many things I try to cling to and not let go of, and things I wish I could control but in order to live a life of freedom I must have my hands and my arms wide open. For me it's a sign of surrender. Everyday I have to remind myself that I can't control all that's going on in my world but I can keep my arms wide open and let God do the work! It seems to work out better for me in the end anyway! I have to daily release my family, friends and work to God.
What are some things you try to hold onto but the Lord is saying let go?

A Dream

Most of you wouldn't know this about me but I dream every night and I generally can recall most of those dreams each day! I don't know if this is a blessing or a curse yet. :) They are pretty vivid!
Last night I had a dream that I woke up from feeling hopeful and yet sad because I wish it had been really happening. I dreamt that I was with a group of people at a friends home. The couple that we were visiting with had a son. He was in the kitchen alone and I walked in. He looked up at me and said "I would like for you to pray with me" and I knelt down, he grabbed my hands and prayed! I woke up really soon after that and wanted to go back to sleep to continue dreaming. :)
Do you remember your dreams?

Another sickness story!

Oh come on, you all know you love reading about people getting sick on random missions trip to other countries! I tend to be the one that can easily laugh at myself because really, I can do some pretty dumb things and if I don't laugh at those things my life would be utterly miserable.
I just remembered this story a few minutes ago and thought it would be good to share. When I was 12 years old my parents thought it would be a wonderful idea to send me on my first missions trip to the Bahamas! I really wanted to go and they were very much okay with me going. I went with 150 people from my church. We were gone for two weeks so that we could do a vacation bible school and also help build a church. We flew to Nassau and stayed in a gym where the showers had just been built the week before we arrived! We had a wonderful time ministering with the local churches. The second week we took sail boats back to Miami. It was during this part of the trip where things took an ugly turn for me! Apparently no one told me sitting underneath a blue tarp with the sun reflecting off of it would cause me to get the worst sunburn I have ever had. We had been sailing for two days, swimming in the Atlantic, going to small uninhabited islands exploring, snorkeling and generally having a wonderful time. I believe it was the third day we were sailing I decided to spend some time on our boat underneath the wonderful blue tarp. I am not sure if it was that night or the following day but I started getting really sick. (side note: I am going to share some of the gross details...it's apart of the story. :))

I had been throwing up and my face started swelling. Thankfully there was a nurse on the trip and they were able to get me to her boat so that she could figure out what to do with me! I finally stopped throwing up and they put me on the "yacht" boat and I slept on an inflatable mattress on the deck. Apparently some of the leaders and the nurse were debating on whether or not to call for a helicopter to come pick me up because I was very sick. While this debate was going on some roaches decided to start crawling around where I was laying and the nurse and two others were trying to kill them and move me at the same time. I didn't move at all... I just laid there limp. I mean what could I do... jump up, scream and run around because there were bugs crawling by the mattress?! I am sure it would have freaked out the people on the boat if I had had the energy to do that! :)
The pastor of our church was on the trip and the following day he came in to check on me. He didn't say much, just "how are you feeling?". A friend of mine brought me a book thinking that would help pass the time while I was on the other boat. Did I mention that my face swelled up like a balloon? I couldn't see to read! (Yes, I am laughing at that memory!) After three days of recovering on the "yacht" boat I was finally given the okay to go back to the sailboat I had started out on. We finally reached Miami and the swelling in my face had almost disappeared. We then had a 14 hour bus ride to get back to Charlotte. When I got home I had started peeling and I looked like a snake shedding it's skin! I had the worst case of sun poisoning I have ever heard of at that point in my life!
Even though that trip was 20 years ago my pastor to this day still looks at me and asks me "how are you feeling?"! I always laugh and tell him I am feeling just fine!
You know, now that I think about it... it's a wonder my parents ever let me travel with out them again! But they did!

Trust

Earlier today I watched Crosspoint Church via their podcast. I have been keeping up with their "Faith, Hope and Love" series. The pastor Pete Wilson last week cast vision for different projects the church is undertaking in the next several years.
Last weeks message was titled "Abraham's Faith". If you go and read Genesis 12-24 you will read some unbelievable stuff. It's no wonder Abraham was mentioned in Hebrews 11... what some people would call the "faith hall of famers" chapter of the Bible. He had great faith and yet at times struggled with wanting to doubt what God had told him would take place.
What I took away from the message today is about trust. Trusting that what God says he will do in my life, HE alone will do it.
I'm not sure at what point I started struggling with trust but I know it's been there for a while. Usually my trust issues are more with others around me rather than with God. But lately I have struggled with trusting God fully with what I have felt called to do. Like working in ministry with young adults (discipleship) and also pursuing my love of photography and with writing.
I have so many passions and desires that I want to see fulfilled but right now baby steps seem to be what I am taking. I keep reminding myself that I need to be faithful and trust in what is going on in the now.
I want to be like Abraham when God called out to him and he replied "Here I am" with utter abandon and child like faith that shows my God can do anything. All things are possible!

Me

The photographer that took these two photographs asked me tonight about doing another photo shoot! YES! I am so excited.

Grace

This week I have been discovering more about God's grace. A gift that He gives more abundantly than I could ever hope for. I am not sure how to write the next few sentences because I want to be sensitive to the situation I have been facing this week. I work for an insurance company... a small agency... but a large insurance company. We deal mostly with home and auto insurance. On Tuesday morning my boss called me and asked me if I had heard any news about an accident killing a mother and daughter that had occurred on Monday afternoon. I told him no but that I had read a headline on our local newspaper's website about the accident. I chose not to read it because I see headlines like that almost weekly whether it be locally or nationally.
He told me to go read the story and find out what he thought was true... the young lady and toddler that were killed were one of our insured. Sure enough all the local stations websites had written about the accident and I as able to confirm that it was one of our insureds. The driver of the vehicle was going at a high rate of speed around a corner and over corrected twice before slamming into a tree. The car was ripped to shreds. The young lady and her daughter were killed instantly. The driver was taken to a local hospital where he is still in critical condition. The driver has had a 10 year history of tickets, violations and was due in court on Monday for charges of larceny.
On our local paper's website they have a comments section and I decided to go through and see what people were saying. I was shocked and blown away at how many people are wanting to take this guy (the driver) and shoot him. Now, I do think that this guy needs to be punished but he didn't willfully intend on killing anyone that day. This much I am choosing to believe in. I realized that there was no grace whatsoever in the comments wanting this guy to suffer even more than he is already is and will if this guy even survives. I am sure he is going to be haunted for the rest of his life and yes, he will probably spend time in jail and he will be sued by the girl's family.
I realized more how much more I need to extend grace to others around me. I'm still processing all that is going on with this situation. Needless to say I am learning a lot more about insurance and grace this week!

Sick in India

Have you ever been sick and not been home while being sick? This has happened to me many times. But being sick in India thousands of miles away from home was probably the worst for me. I actually do sit back and laugh at how the event took place. I was working with the organization Youth With A Mission (YWAM) at the time. I was on staff with the discipleship training school (DTS) and co-lead a group of young people to India. We were staying in a house in Chennai for the first month and then the second month we would head to Dehli and stay there. The night before we were to leave Chennai I got really sick. It didn't hit me until about 2am and for the next two hours I ended up walking and at times crawling from my bed to another room where the bathroom was and not having a good time! I will spare you all the details... if you want to know more specifics just email me and I can fill you in. In my wonderful independent state I chose not to tell any of the girls on my team what was going on for two hours! Yep, no one knew I was sick for that long. I truly didn't realize how sick I was until I could no longer walk from my bed to the bathroom in the other room. I finally chose to tell one of the girls so if they woke up and couldn't find me in my bed they wouldn't freak out. I ended up waking up Amanda who freaked out anyway because I had not woken her up earlier. Yep, I didn't want anyone to see me sick and thought I could handle it myself. I figured it would go away.
OH how I was wrong!
(I asserted my independence at the wrong time.)

The next morning my co-leader Ryan and Amos who was leading the whole DTS (and just happened to be visiting our team) were told what was going on. When they came into the room I was laying down in I looked like a rag doll that had been tossed around for years. I could barely move. I am sure I looked absolutely stunning to them! ;) I think they were both surprised at how sick I was. Remember I said earlier in the post that we had to leave that day for Dehli? Well, most of my stuff wasn't packed and that evening when we did leave I had a 36 hour train ride to look forward to! The girls on my team got my bag packed. Thankfully I learned how to travel with just a hiking pack and a backpack! One of the guys working with our team decided to take pictures of me in the van on the way to the train station and then decided to send out an email with those pictures to our families. I think you can tell where this part is going... my mom got the pictures and knew right away that I was sick! The guy told everyone how I had gotten sick right before we left and of course my mom was VERY worried! I was able to contact her when we got to Dehli to tell her not to worry, that I was fine. Little did I know then that what made me sick was a parasite and that it would affect me the rest of my life!
I still laugh about this story because it is something that would happen to me while traveling. I love traveling but getting sick thousands of miles away from home is not fun!
AH India... that time changed my life forever! :D

10th Grade

I probably should go back a few years... the summer before going into seventh grade I went to a camp that forever changed my life. I was about to embark on a new journey in life. Moving on from elementary school to junior high. This summer camp is where I met my best friends. I went knowing at least a few girls from my church but of course I didn't know many of the girls in my cabin. I remember meeting everyone and by the end of the week we had all formed a group that would remain even until today.
Three of the girls I met that summer are Jennifer, Shantel and Lisa. I remember meeting Jennifer before camp and then I met Shantel the first day of camp. From what I do remember I took Jennifer with me and introduced her to Shantel and many of the other girls. (I love connecting people!) I also introduced myself to Lisa that day as well. Little did I know then what God had planned!

We all went to the same youth group and that helped solidify our friendship. Junior high came and went. It was time for high school! There were so many things we were all looking forward to. Trips with our youth group to the mountains, summer camp and a missions trip that I would not be able to go on but Jennifer and Shantel wanted to go on. It was to New York city. They both applied and really felt like they were going to go. I should mention by now Jennifer and Shantel were best friends. We all were best friends. But Jennifer and Shantel clung to each other. Which would prove to be something Jennifer needed as much as Shantel. While going through the application process for the NY missions trip both of them were turned down by our youth pastor. It was with a heavy heart that he told them they would not be able to go. He had prayed about it and felt the Lord tell him that it wasn't there time.

The trip took place in April of 1993. It was during our spring break. I had gone to Illinois for part of the week and came home in time to go to youth group that Wednesday. I was so excited to be able to hang out with my friends that didn't go on the trip. That Wednesday would be the last time I would see Shantel alive. I still cry. The following day my dad received a phone call from a pastor on staff at my church. He knew my dad well and wanted to be the one to let him know that Shantel had passed away earlier that morning. She died of a heart attack in the shower while Jennifer was trying to call her mom and an ambulance.
I heard my dad on the phone and couldn't figure out why he had a look of sadness mixed with shock on his face. He got off the phone and looked at me and told me the news that changed my world forever. I was living in the downstairs part of my parents house at the time and immediately went to the bathroom that is down there. I shut the door and just sat for what seemed like hours. I didn't move, didn't talk and wanted my dad to come in and say "just kidding"! Anything to make the reality of the situation go away. But that didn't happen.

Two days later our group of friends said "good bye" to Shantel. For the longest time I couldn't listen to Michael W Smith's song "Friends". It's still hard but not as hard as it was then.

Lately I have thought more about this story than ever before. I am helping my parents remodel that part of their house and I will be living downstairs again in my old room. So every time I walk into the bathroom down there it brings back those memories. I have seen how God has walked me through one of the hardest times in my life. I cling to His word:
Psalm 119:81, 114
81My soul longs for your salvation;
I hope in your word.
114 You are my hiding place and my shield;
I hope in your word.

Oh how I cherish those words!

The Power of a Story

I love to read! I try to read at least one book or more a month. At times there could be four or five at a time that I am reading. The amount of books I read depends on how busy I am with other things. I read many blogs through out the day. Lately I have read many blogs that share stories of others lives. I have read about affairs, heartache, bad decisions made, lives seemingly destroyed, abortion and yet through all of those I have read about redemption.
God's redeeming love. It's powerful.

There has been healing throughout the stories. Ah healing, maybe that's what is tugging at me through these stories. Maybe that is what I am supposed to do... share some of my stories and let others see God's healing.

I have decided in reading others blogs that I will start to share some of my stories. They may be disjointed, fragmented and at times raw. I have stories I share all the time with others in conversation and wish I would write them down. I have felt the tug for a while to start writing more... so if you are a reader get ready... I have stories to share and I hope that through them others will see God's grace, redeeming love and His unending mercy towards a girl who just wants to serve Him daily!