10th Grade

I probably should go back a few years... the summer before going into seventh grade I went to a camp that forever changed my life. I was about to embark on a new journey in life. Moving on from elementary school to junior high. This summer camp is where I met my best friends. I went knowing at least a few girls from my church but of course I didn't know many of the girls in my cabin. I remember meeting everyone and by the end of the week we had all formed a group that would remain even until today.
Three of the girls I met that summer are Jennifer, Shantel and Lisa. I remember meeting Jennifer before camp and then I met Shantel the first day of camp. From what I do remember I took Jennifer with me and introduced her to Shantel and many of the other girls. (I love connecting people!) I also introduced myself to Lisa that day as well. Little did I know then what God had planned!

We all went to the same youth group and that helped solidify our friendship. Junior high came and went. It was time for high school! There were so many things we were all looking forward to. Trips with our youth group to the mountains, summer camp and a missions trip that I would not be able to go on but Jennifer and Shantel wanted to go on. It was to New York city. They both applied and really felt like they were going to go. I should mention by now Jennifer and Shantel were best friends. We all were best friends. But Jennifer and Shantel clung to each other. Which would prove to be something Jennifer needed as much as Shantel. While going through the application process for the NY missions trip both of them were turned down by our youth pastor. It was with a heavy heart that he told them they would not be able to go. He had prayed about it and felt the Lord tell him that it wasn't there time.

The trip took place in April of 1993. It was during our spring break. I had gone to Illinois for part of the week and came home in time to go to youth group that Wednesday. I was so excited to be able to hang out with my friends that didn't go on the trip. That Wednesday would be the last time I would see Shantel alive. I still cry. The following day my dad received a phone call from a pastor on staff at my church. He knew my dad well and wanted to be the one to let him know that Shantel had passed away earlier that morning. She died of a heart attack in the shower while Jennifer was trying to call her mom and an ambulance.
I heard my dad on the phone and couldn't figure out why he had a look of sadness mixed with shock on his face. He got off the phone and looked at me and told me the news that changed my world forever. I was living in the downstairs part of my parents house at the time and immediately went to the bathroom that is down there. I shut the door and just sat for what seemed like hours. I didn't move, didn't talk and wanted my dad to come in and say "just kidding"! Anything to make the reality of the situation go away. But that didn't happen.

Two days later our group of friends said "good bye" to Shantel. For the longest time I couldn't listen to Michael W Smith's song "Friends". It's still hard but not as hard as it was then.

Lately I have thought more about this story than ever before. I am helping my parents remodel that part of their house and I will be living downstairs again in my old room. So every time I walk into the bathroom down there it brings back those memories. I have seen how God has walked me through one of the hardest times in my life. I cling to His word:
Psalm 119:81, 114
81My soul longs for your salvation;
I hope in your word.
114 You are my hiding place and my shield;
I hope in your word.

Oh how I cherish those words!

The Power of a Story

I love to read! I try to read at least one book or more a month. At times there could be four or five at a time that I am reading. The amount of books I read depends on how busy I am with other things. I read many blogs through out the day. Lately I have read many blogs that share stories of others lives. I have read about affairs, heartache, bad decisions made, lives seemingly destroyed, abortion and yet through all of those I have read about redemption.
God's redeeming love. It's powerful.

There has been healing throughout the stories. Ah healing, maybe that's what is tugging at me through these stories. Maybe that is what I am supposed to do... share some of my stories and let others see God's healing.

I have decided in reading others blogs that I will start to share some of my stories. They may be disjointed, fragmented and at times raw. I have stories I share all the time with others in conversation and wish I would write them down. I have felt the tug for a while to start writing more... so if you are a reader get ready... I have stories to share and I hope that through them others will see God's grace, redeeming love and His unending mercy towards a girl who just wants to serve Him daily!

Obedience

This weekend I kept thinking about obedience and discipline. Being obedient is not something I struggle with greatly. I have always been a rules follower! Yes, I am that girl. You know the one who gets made fun of for supposedly not wanting to "live life a little". :) Discipline on the other hand I struggle with daily! I like to think I am a very disciplined person but when it comes down to it, I suck at it.
In 1 Samuel 15:22 there is one line that says "to obey is better than sacrifice". Lately, I have had to learn the art of discipline in my finances. It's not easy. I like spending money. Who doesn't? :) But I realized that my spending habits are not helping me get out of debt any sooner. So, I have made some changes. Disciplining myself to not spend money on things I don't need at the moment. I would rather be obedient to what I know and have felt for a long time the Lord was asking of me than to sacrifice what the future holds if I am not obedient now. This week has been hard. I really want to go and buy some new clothes. Not that I truly need them. I just want them! (I have to be honest about that!)

I have two coupons for two of my favorite stores and I will not be using them. Just because I have them doesn't mean I need to go spend money that should be used to chip away at my debt because I have a coupon! I have put myself on a stricter budget as well. I am determined to get out of debt as quickly as possible.

This is a hard thing for me but I truly want the freedom to be able to give more generously to others. I read on twitter this quote: "Live simply so others can simply live." This quote was on Bianca Juarez's page. She also had a great post on her blog about debt. So if you get the chance go check out her post Ghetto Fabulous.

I am also getting more disciplined in writing on my blog! Look for more post and pictures to come soon and hopefully a blog makeover! :)

Photos

I uploaded some more photos to my flickr account this morning! They are pictures I took from Brookgreen Gardens in South Carolina... go take a look: my flickr account

Criticism

Oh I how I hate criticism! I believe we all do. I had a conversation with my dad earlier this morning about this very thing. He stopped doing certain things because of the criticism he was getting and instead of dealing with it and moving on and continuing to press forward he just stopped doing those things. So, he was defeated by the criticism and is now seeing that it has hindered progress in his life. It has hurt his self esteem.
I told him that sometimes we just have to deal with the criticism in our lives and continue to push forward.
I see it as a challenge. A challenge to improve on whatever it is I am being criticized for! There are times that it hurts so deeply that I become paralyzed. Then the fear creeps in slowly, undetected to those around me. I stand still and watch the world swirl about. After standing for what seems to be an eternity, I finally push through with God's word resounding with in me... "7 For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control." 1 Timothy 1:7
"6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philipians 4: 6-7 (ESV)
These verses remind to push forward and continue on in what I know the Lord has called me to do.
No more letting fear or the fear of being criticized stop me from living life to the fullest!

Pumpkin Carving Day!

After work this afternoon me and my friend Anastasia will be carving pumpkins at her house. We are going to bake the seeds from the pumpkins and I am going to make hot apple cider! It's been quite a while since I have done this... okay since I was a kid! I will have pictures of this event later on this weekend.

People Always Leave... Friendships

The title of the post is a statement (or quote) from the show One Tree Hill. It's a statement that has stuck with me for a while. I have had a year of transition within my friendships. I had to let one friendship go (which was not easy but necessary and proved to be a great decision) and out of that came several new friendships and a closer friendship with my best friend Amy that I cherish deeply.
One of the new friendships I developed is my with my best friend Jamie.
He told me on Monday is he moving! He will be moving back to Nashville. It's a great move for him and I am very excited for this opportunity. He loves the Lord and is going to be able to do ministry full time. Working with guys that have been through similar situations he has been through. (Maybe soon I will be able to share his story here...of course with his permission!) A few weeks ago I had a conversation with him about how I am just getting to the point in my friendships with him, Amy (my other best friend) and a couple of other friends where I feel that I can be more vulnerable and that they will love me despite my faults, decisions, and my sometimes craziness. (Yes, I have times of craziness!) While talking to Jamie about this I told him it was hard to open up b/c "people always leave". I knew he would be moving at some point and I was cheating myself out of a deeper friendship with him because of my fear that when he moved he wouldn't want to be friends anymore. Which of course is not true but insecurity and fear had set in.

I had to go to prayer.

It was the only way I knew how to over come the insecurities and fear. I needed to learn yet again to trust in the Lord with my whole heart.
I have had other friends move before. Close, dear friends that I wish I could go and have a cup of coffee with weekly. And of course, I have been the one to leave as well.

(Oh how I wish I could travel to each place that my close friends live! I would be in Switzerland one week, Oregon, LA and of course Nashville the following weeks!)

It's not an easy thing to watch a friend move but, I am excited for Jamie. This is a great opportunity for him! And yes, for the record I will be sad for a bit. But that's okay right?

It's Friday!

Last night I spent some time writing to the child I sponsor through Compassion. As I was writing to Obsa, a verse came to mind that I am constantly reminded to meditate on. It's Proverbs 3:5,6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not unto your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths". I so easily forget the trust part! But each day I am reminded to trust in the Lord. He already is directing my paths!

Oh if you get the opportunity please go check out Brad Ruggles blog! The link posted here is to a video from the Catalyst conference that took place a few weeks ago. It's all about sponsoring a child through Compassion. Go check it out! You will never be the same!

Jesus Needs New PR

This is the title of Matthew Paul Turner's blog. I have thoroughly enjoyed reading his post and lately he has put up some rather hilarious pictures that people have either painted, or drawn of Jesus. Actually the comments are funnier than the pictures. :) You should go check out his blog!
I am always intrigued by people drawing pictures of Jesus. Especially if they look like Jesus has blonde hair and blue eyes. Last week I took my dad to go hear one of my best friends play for an event (Jamie Morgan). This event was in a small town right outside of Charlotte. On our way home I noticed a huge mural on the side of a small church that was just of Jesus' face. I then told my dad about Matthew's posts. You really should check out his blog.:) And then when you are done you should check out Jessica Turner's blog. Jessica is Matthew's wife and she has a lot of great posts as well. Including many that have pictures of their adorable son Elias!
There will be more recommendations to follow this week. I am greatly encouraged by all the people I have found on line through twitter and to be honest it was all thanks to Matthew one day following me. Otherwise I would have never found half the bloggers I truly enjoy reading. So much so I have neglected my own blog for a while!

Pictures from Brookgreen Gardens

Well, I figured I would update my blog this evening! I have been wanting to get up many posts but that just hasn't happened lately.
Here are a few pictures that I took while at Brookgreen Gardens

My vacation

I was able to get away for two days and head to the beach. I spent all day at Brookgreen Gardens. Brookgreen Gardens
Everyone should go check the gardens out. It was beautiful!

Journaling

I decided to take some time tonight to do some writing in my journal. What started out as a "dream" journal has morphed into an every other week journal detailing the craziness of my life and also the prayers that I tend to pray daily. The lighting on our screened in porch invited me to bring out my camera. I love photography and I love capturing the moments that tell a story. This picture I hope tells the story of what has already started and what is to come with my journal and photography!
Psalm 18:30 is what I decided to journal about tonight. God's ways are perfect and His word is proven true!

Psalm 139

I wish I had time tonight to go through all of my thoughts on Psalm 139. It is a chapter that I continue to return to especially in times of depression or sadness. When things change in my life and I don't like it, I return to these words that show me how much I am worth in the Lord! Nothing can change His love for me!! What a beautiful and wonderful thing to cling to when times are tough. I can let self pity, sadness, depression and many other things cloud what I know to be true. If you are not feeling worthy or feeling so unloved meditate on the words below and relish the truth that God formed you from the beginning and knows everything about you! You are created in His image!

Psalm 139
Search Me, O God, and Know My Heart
To the choirmaster. A Psalm of David.
1 O LORD, you have searched me and known me!
2 You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
you discern my thoughts from afar.
3 You search out my path and my lying down
and are acquainted with all my ways.
4 Even before a word is on my tongue,
behold, O LORD, you know it altogether.
5 You hem me in, behind and before,
and lay your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
it is high; I cannot attain it.

7 Where shall I go from your Spirit?
Or where shall I flee from your presence?
8 If I ascend to heaven, you are there!
If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!
9 If I take the wings of the morning
and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
10 even there your hand shall lead me,
and your right hand shall hold me.
11 If I say, "Surely the darkness shall cover me,
and the light about me be night,"
12 even the darkness is not dark to you;
the night is bright as the day,
for darkness is as light with you.

13 For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you,when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed substance;in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me,when as yet there was none of them.

17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 If I would count them, they are more than the sand.
I awake, and I am still with you.

19 Oh that you would slay the wicked, O God!
O men of blood, depart from me!
20 They speak against you with malicious intent;
your enemies take your name in vain!
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD?
And do I not loathe those who rise up against you?
22 I hate them with complete hatred;
I count them my enemies.
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart!
Try me and know my thoughts!
24 And see if there be any grievous way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting!

Follow up to post on Modesty

“Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.”- 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

I decided to go to biblegateway.com this morning and this was the verse of the day. I think it speaks volumes to the issue of modesty!

Modesty

Modesty has been a hot topic of mine for a while. It's no surprise that I don't dress too provocatively and can be called a prude at times. I have learned that it's okay. :) I need to be confident in myself and who God made me and not try to be something that doesn't reflect who I am as a child of God.
I stumbled upon a blog today that I felt was good, interesting and worth going back to see what Anne says. This is her post on modesty: http://www.flowerdust.net/2009/08/11/do-women-dress-too-sexy/

Check it out!

Also, another great blog: http://www.jesusneedsnewpr.blogspot.com/

Great Video

I am all for weddings that are creative and reflect the couple's style and this video great! I don't think I would do it at my wedding but it worked for this couple and their wedding party!

International Justice Day ~ July 17th

I'm a few days late in posting this video. Take some time to watch it and then pass it on. If you would like to know more about the Mocha Club go to www.mochaclub.org.

A powerful video from the Mocha Club...




http://mochaclub.org/joinme/rebeccannb

Deeply flawed and yet unbelievably loved

I continually come to the realization of how deeply flawed I am. I'm a perfectionist at heart and if something doesn't work out the way I would like it to I tend to walk away or over work at getting the situation perfect. Neither way is a good way to handle any situation. I am learning though, with an abundance of grace that is given to me each day I wake up! I am also realizing that some things just don't matter in the grand scheme of life. If something doesn't go the way I want it to go it's going to be okay. Life is not going to come to a crashing halt.
During my quiet time yesterday I meditated on a verse that shows me that no matter how flawed I am, I am loved beyond my comprehension!
Psalm 139:17
17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!

Faith = Action

I read recently on a twitter feed that hope is great but faith requires action. I can hope that things in my life change and things go well but if I don't step out in faith and put action to the things I hope for in my life then all I am doing is just sitting. I don't like doing that. Anyone that knows me well, knows that I do not like to just sit and do nothing.
Recently though I have been doing a lot of "sitting" on what I hope for with my life. I decided that I can't just dream about what I want to do and then hope it comes true. I need to put some action behind that hope. I think in some parts of my life I had let depression set in. It's something I deal with on occasion and I have to continually look to scripture and realize that my life is not about me. It's about getting out of myself and looking towards others around me. It's time for me to stop being selfish and realize that the world is filled with people who need some one to come along side them and encourage them to continue in their daily walks with the Lord.
I love encouragement. I love giving encouragement and receiving it. I believe it's one of the greatest things we can do to help others out.
Just some thoughts of mine as I continue to realize I need to be writing more and working more on what I truly love... photography. I also need to stay connected to others as well.
Hopefully my blog will be updated more on things I am doing and where God is leading me through each day.
Today I added the Compassion International gidget on my blog. I sponsor a child and I think others should as well. Soon I will be sharing about other opportunities that I feel I am to start being apart of!

Have a wonderful and blessed day!!!

Hope

Below are the lyrics to a song I immediately fell in love with. The first time I heard the song I knew that the Lord was speaking to my heart using the lyrics to create a renewed hope in my heart. This year for me so far has had a lot of ups and downs. But I continue to hope in the Lord and trust His hand is always guiding my life even when I don't see clearly what is ahead.
When I have felt like giving up, hope is always there to remind me I can move ahead and push through the trails that lay before me.


Hope Now by Addison Road
If everything comes down to love
Then just what am I afraid of
When I call out Your name
Something inside awakes in my soul
How quickly I forget I'm Yours

(PRE-CHORUS)
I'm not my own
I've been carried by You
All my life

(CHORUS)
Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides on faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
This love sets me free

When my life is like a storm
Rising waters all I want is the shore
You say I'll be ok and
Make it through the rain
You are my shelter from the storm

(CHORUS)
And everything rides on hope now
And everything rides on faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
This love sets me free

You've become my hearts desire
I will sing Your praises higher
Cause Your love sets me free
Your love sets me free
Your love sets me free

(PRE-CHORUS)
I'm not my own
I've been carried by You
All my life

(CHORUS)
Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides on faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
This love sets me free

This love sets me free
Your love sets me free
This love sets me free
Your love sets me free
Your love sets me free
Your love sets me free